Pessimistic Optimist

...

2009-01-20T10:58:00.000+08:00

my life is at a standstill.

or rather, it's in slow motion.

i'm bored, i'm lazy, and i feel so... purposeless.

one more week and i'll step into the halls of knowledge once again. academics will once more be my priority, and i will lose the luxury of my free time.

at least, from there, i can start getting my life moving again.

it's been fun though, taking a break from school, meeting new people, discovering new places, growing roots again and just having a good time.

i take a deep breath and find my lips curling into a smile as i realize that i really can grow roots here now. not like before when i was stuck between two worlds. i can start building my life here.

i chuckle as i realize that i've already started to do just that.

one more week of frolicking carelessly through the city and having the luxury of being bored at home. one more week of having all that free time.

and then...

my world will change. i can feel it.

something will start when i walk into the chaotic world of college life again.

i just know it.

(goal for next month: get my driver's license. definitely get my driver's license on february)

new years once again!

2008-12-31T20:19:00.000+08:00

i'll let myself be swept away the spirit of the new years and write a blog entry about it (hella late, i'm sure everyone else has got one already hahaha)

so, it's the last day of my first full year here in this foreign land. actually, it's not that foreign to me now. i'm still adjusting a little bit, but i'm altogether comfortable here, mostly thanks to melmel who's been there for me this whole time. :)

so now in this day where 2008 slowly turns into 2009, i can't help but look back into the year i call My Year of the Firsts. there were soo many things i did for the first time that i can't even recall most of them anymore hahaha. and of course there are first times that i'd rather tell you in private *wink wink*

hey, get your mind out of the gutter hahahaha

im happy to say that in all the hype of the new years i was able to talk to a lot of my friends and connect with them even briefly. i'm happy to end the year catching up with everyone, mending broken connections, forgiving and being forgiven.

i got to talk to chrisannielle! woohoo! that was fun, guess i went online at the right time :D i miss you guys and i'm so glad to see that after months of not having been able to talk to you we were still able to talk like we always do :D

but waaa elle nasaan ka?? hahahaha!

but i didn't get to ride Ace's 350z this year, boohoo.

anyway, here's to a happy new year, and may all of your new years wishes (if you even thought about making one) come true! make sure you do those resolutions! hahaha :D

WOW.

2008-12-11T19:14:00.000+08:00

this has been a woooow day. seriously.

first off... I GOT A PSP AND THE FINAL FANTASY TACTICS GAME FOR CHRISTMAS! :D :D :D

can you believe that? i'm sitting in the car with my friend Pedro driving and my bestfriend Melmel in the backseat when they finally reveal to me what the big secret that they were hiding was! Pedro got me the PSP and melmel got me the game :D

i had a big goofy smile on my face, omg, it was crazy, it was like a dream :D i screamed like a crazy girl who had just been gifted with a PSP (oh yeah, i was exactly that hahahaha)!

so now i only have to get a memory stick for it and i can start playing!

BUT i have a placement exam tomorrow, so i'm exercising extreme, high-level self control to not open my new game, hahaha.

after tomorrow, it's all fun and games until january 26 :D

christmas in the park on friday! woot! :D

thoughts released.

2008-11-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

it breaks me every time my thoughts inevitably stray to forbidden thoughts of you.

pixels on a screen rob me of all warmth and leave a cold, hard shell of my being.

i can't say i don't care that your smiles will never be for me. i can't say i don't wish for...things that were never within my reach in the first place.

i can't say a lot of things.

i'm reduced to typing on a screen with uncontrollably shaky hands, shivering even though the heater is turned up high.

go ahead, laugh at the obvious cliche situation that i'm in, and tell me that i'm wrong for doing things as i did them. make fun of my excessively dramatic thoughts. i don't care.

there is only one comforting thought in this unkind twist of reality:

you're smiling.

so long as that is a fact, i can cope with all the rest.

[*deep breath* ok, now back to that book i'm reading. ooh, there's a funny show on tv. hey, maybe i'll make a website right now. ok, i can do that while i'm listening to music and editing this video and debugging this program while brushing my teeth and... ]

Words taken from "Eldest", a novel by Christopher Paolini, second in the Inheritance Series.

2008-11-10T09:33:00.000+08:00

i present to you the conclusion to a conversation between Eragon and his Master Oromis.

For a long time, Eragon stared out the window, turning Oromis’s words
over in his mind. “You don’t believe in an afterlife, then.”

“From what Glaedr said, you already knew that.”

“And you don’t put stock in gods.”

“We give credence only to that which we can prove exists. Since we
cannot find evidence that gods, miracles, and other supernatural things
are real, we do not trouble ourselves about them. If that were to change,
if Helzvog [a god] were to reveal himself to us, then we would accept the new
information and revise our position.”

“It seems a cold world without something... more.”

“On the contrary,” said Oromis, “it is a better world. A place where we
are responsible for our own actions, where we can be kind to one another
because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of be-
ing frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment. I won’t
tell you what to believe, Eragon. It is far better to be taught to think
critically and then be allowed to make your own decisions than to have
someone else’s notions thrust upon you. You asked after our religion, and
I have answered you true. Make of it what you will.”

just something to ponder about. :)

(an obvious) thought

2008-10-06T06:37:00.000+08:00

one of these days you'll find someone who seems perfect. if you haven't already, i mean.

the first few weeks of your acquaintance will be almost ideal; long conversations, fun moments, lots of laughter.

i call this the "honeymoon phase".

but as time passes, you'll start to float back down from that ephemeral heaven. flaws and qualities about them that you realize you really don't like will start showing.

of course, there really is no ideal person.

but what makes or breaks your relationship is whether you decide to accept him/her exactly as he/she is.

and whether that person makes the same decision.

that's how friendships grow. that's how love blooms.

its a decision that you make everyday.

i took a trip down memory lane...

2008-10-02T10:15:00.000+08:00

...and i came back smiling and laughing. :D

so many precious moments captured in little items. letters, pictures, notes, gift wraps, tickets, trinkets, even tissue paper... mostly from my high school days, a little from my college days.

the campaign button when i ran for batch rep (and lost, lol)...

the ateneo pin...

doodles that i did before...

the note someone gave me thinking i wouldn't know it was him (he always used the same pen and had a very distinct handwriting, nyahahaha)

backstab papers (remember those? those were interesting, haha)...

and other stuff that made me remember about the moments that i almost forgot about...

all in the past, perfectly preserved in my memory...

at least until i lose a few more brain cells, haha.

i used to cry whenever i opened this memory box of mine... but now i just smile as i stroll down the road, backwards into time. reveling in the remembered sights, sounds and sensations.

i suppose the reason we all love memories is that they're one of the rare things that never change.

but now, as i open my eyes and take in my surroundings, i look to the future, keeping the past in my heart and, most importantly i believe, making sure i enjoy every moment of today.

woohoo, can you believe it, a complete blog post, hahaha :D

Into the Realm of Magic

2006-01-28T23:12:00.000+08:00

haha, cguro andami nang naglagay ng ganitong title sa blog nila...hehe:)

it was a prom like no other...

full of...

ewan...

its just that it's special...

maybe because of the fact that char was there...

maybe because of the fact that all my friends were there...

maybe because it wasn't very cold like last time...

maybe because the food was delicious...

maybe because the place was beautiful...

maybe...

because it was a night filled with love...

for friends and for lovers...

maybe even for foes...

one night where we left our worries outside the walls of Manila Hotel...

and focused on savoring every drop of second that came our way...

*sigh*

in that realm of magic...

2005-04-14T20:45:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder how it feels to be free...

not caring what other people think about you...

free to love...

free to be mad...

free to shout...

free to do whatever your heart pleases (without hurting anyone of course)...

to say whatever...

i wonder how the world would be if people didn't judge you according to what they see...

but according to how they know you...

and according to what you really are...

what if there were no secrets in this world...

everybody would tell everyone how they feel...

without worrying what other people would say...

because they are their own person...

then perhaps...

we wouldn't have a hard time keeping secrets...

and we wouldn't have to lose people's trust...

and hurt their feelings...

then maybe we wouldn't be so careful of what we say...

and be frank about how we feel...

because we know that they would understand...

and we could compromise...

then maybe there wouldn't be nasty rumors floating about...

words that cannot be controlled by trusted lips...

gossips that tell people lies about other people...

half true or half lies...

then maybe we'd all be free...

coz even though we think we are...

we are still somehow trapped in our own world...

trying to follow the fads...

trying to be like everyone else to be accepted...

even if we know that we can't be like everyone else...

because we're all different...

and maybe...

we wouldn't be thinking by ourselves...

pondering how pathetic we are...

and how we've always done things wrong...

how we're always the ones to adjust...

always the ones to give way...

maybe this world would be a better place...

no social outcasts...

no boastful individuals...

no superiority...

no inferiority...

no such thing as being humiliated in front of everyone...

just because your doing your own thing that wouldn't hurt anyone...

but they bother anyway because they don't care...

but hey...

i wake up...

faint echoes of shouts fade in my mind...

my soul retires...

impossible...

and i snap back to reality.

SummeR!

2005-03-21T22:02:00.001+08:00

grabe...after 10 months of exhausting torture with homeworks, pressure with projects, tension with quizzes...

summer nah!!

let's do a review of the highlights of every month this SY 2004-2005

june
-new class, 3-masayahin,new beggining!
august
-lotsa happenins hir! new seating arrangements din ata...
september
-field trip! we went through this maze while it was raining!! haha! fun! we also had our retreat this month!
october
-sembreak! lotsa mind work on this month...
november
-watched "Oedipus Rex" after attending household head training that started after we left...hehe!
december
-fair!! bamboo!! lotsa bands attended too...nagbrown out din!
-i went to san pablo and had a great time!
january
-hectic month! creative competition, practices for lotsa stuff,,,andami!
february
-JS Promenade! self explanatory.
-poetry reading and surprise UST tour too!
march-recognition!! 4 awards! sweet!

there! its not very complete...pero yun na yun...

~~i have a feeling the suceeding lines will consist of senseless stuff...i apologize for any annoyances these will give you...i write to express, not to impress ~~

hay...sometimes i feel my life is soo safe...la lng...parang wla akong ginagawang majorly bad...which scares me coz it might be unsafe to be too innocent...weird noh?

oo nga pla...parang tinatamad na akong magblog...grabe...lahat na ng bagay, tinatamad na akong gawin...need to get over that...

by the way...why is it when people ask "what are you doing?" the person says "oh nothing, just reading/watching tv/living/breathing/etc" while in fact he/she is actually doing "something" intead of "nothing"? la lng...

isn't it weird when someone asks "can i ask you a question?" when he/she just did.

i wonder what course i will take in college...hmmm...hay...lang maicp na post! andami ko atang dapat sabihin...just forgot...bsta...seryosohan na sa 4th year...no distractions (well...nothing majorly distracting)

need to find something pa...something invisible and cannot be seen..wahahaha!

~~i guess that was pretty senseless..hehe...~~

**have you noticed that "heart" is just one letter short of "hurt"?**

Stop. Rewind. Play…?

2005-03-06T16:00:00.000+08:00

I bet you people were waiting for this…

My prom night with my ex, Glen Charles N. Lopez…(lufhet noh?)

But before that…did I tell you that he came to my house with his parents just to ask me to the prom? La lng, share…

Aun, March 05, 2005. He was supposed to pick me up at 5:30, and he did so at past 6:00

In the car, he gave me the pretty pink corsage and the beautiful white roses. Pati na rin ung yfc songs na cd...keyboard na daw ako next youth camp! Hala…

We went on our way to the Ateneo Quadrangle where the prom was gonna be held. It took a long time before we could sit down coz somehow, our table went missing, and we, together with our “table-mates”, ended up at another table…hehe!

The venue was nice, themed “awards night” or something, and because of the rain earlier that day, they covered the tables with tents. The food was nice, though I didn’t eat much (I don’t eat much at dinner parties…it makes me feel queasy) we got choclits for dessert! May ateneo logo pa! Hehe.

His classmates were fun and I even met some who were yfc’s!

And I’m glad that the whole problem with his class is finished…:)

Guess what…we didn’t dance! Yup, second time this year, the second prom where I didn’t dance! Hehe! (okay…AC’s gonna kill me…) All we did was talk and walk around the campus and talk some more…

He made a poem for that night…a very nice poem in fact…and it was typed in his palm thingy…di ko lam kung anong model yun eh…I just smiled because I didn’t know how to react…

Goodness…it had to be a gadget for him to keep a diary…khit na cnabi nia dati na nkakatamad magkeep ng diary…techie boi tlga forever…

For one night…we relived the moments from may 17 to aug 7…sharing laughs and smiles and such…but…we both know that it was the last night of the prince and the princess to be together…wala akong ginawa kundi magsmile for the whole night kahit na napapaiyak na daw cia…sayang naman kc kung magddramahan lng kmi…

We got the pics (ang bilis! Trust ateneo to use digital imaging for faster service!) and ang cute tingnan…pag malayo! Hehe! I don’t like my hair!

All the music that night was taken care of 4 live bands I think…di ko nga alam ung pangalan..but all of them were great!

The sky was cloudy because of the rain! So ala stars…awww…

And when the last few songs were played, it was time to go home…ambilis nga ng oras…ganyan nman tlga ang oras…mabilis. Actually, dapat dadaan p kmi sa starbucks, but, seeing that it was late, my ever responsible date decided to just take me straight home (haha flattened!)

Then I picked up the beautiful white roses, (na iniwan ko sa car coz it can’t fit in my small pouch) there were three of them and sbi nia pag nalanta na lahat yun, wala na cia…

He said he wanted to cry...i told him no…kc sayang nman ung gabi…

And there…the first and last date…I left with something between a smile and a tear…thanking God for everything (both good and bad) that had happened…

When I got home, the sky cleared up and the stars twinkled…

Wish he were a bit more optimistic.

By the way, I just noticed this when I got home…

The pretty white rose in the middle was plastic.

*** things just happen when the time comes***

Prom and some othr stuff...

2005-02-28T19:02:00.000+08:00

*Sniff*

oh yeah, I’m gonna talk bout the La Salle Promenade first…

ok, I’ll summarize it in three words….”boring and fun!”

hehe! Wala akong ma-say sa venue, their theme was “heaven” and there were rose petals on the way up the dome, then there were balloons (in green and white of course!) and the best part is…the place was full of STARS!!!

Stars! Lots of them! Sprinkled on the tables, scattered and lighted on the stage and they even had a star pillow giveaway that had an archer hat! Nice! I salute the student council of the hs dept of la salle!

It was a very different prom experience…coz we didn’t dance! Hehehehehe! Bkit bah? Tinatamad kmi pareho eh! So wla kming ginawa kundi magusap, magtawanan, mambisita ng ibang table, itext c tintin, magpapicture and kumain! The food was nice, pero di ko xado gusto ung main course, but the dessert was good anywei!

Well, so much for that, it was ok anywei, pero sabi nung friend ni kuya boring daw tlga, but I’m satisfied with the results, may stars naman!:)

Anywei…

*sniff* *singhot* nakakainis!!! I lost the fruit of my hardwork…ung Parker pen ko!!!

It’s like a poetry reading trophy to me, now its gone…argh! Nkakainis naman…oh well, it’s my fault anywei…*sigh*

Ah whatever, still have soo much to do!!

Goodness, there’s still that English thing, and that campaign thing and that miting de avance thing and that props thing and those homeworks and…wait…why am I still writing here???? I’ve got too much to do! I have no time for blogging! Sheesh!

I want my pen back!*sniff sniff* :( :)

**the end…but it may be the beginning too…**

asteeg

2005-02-26T11:27:00.001+08:00

la lng...ala akong maicp na title...anywho...

grabe, busy ako this coming weeks! una, ngaun, saturday, attend ako ng prom ng la salle. tapos, next week, saturday, attend ako ng prom ng ateneo, tapos, next next week, prom ng claret! ay! hindi pla! recital pla namin! hehe,,,got carried away by da promz,,,

niwei...

i'm running for 4th year level representative of the MSC or Marian Student Council. ghad, feel ko nman di ako mananalo, pero okies lng, at least i tried db?? hehehe! vote for me! (if you can!) wahahaa!

grabe, andami ginagawa sa skul, buti nlang di ako honors dis year! (buti ba yun?? di pla! xe di na rin ako honors next year!:( ) pero i got through everything nman, including the ilc issue...hay! mkakapunta ako! yessz!

punta ata ang aking mga yfc peepz sa tagaytay ngaun...ewan, sbi ni guads cancelled, but in any case, di ako pupunta, xe i have to escort my big brother! (nuhkz! big brothr daw bah??)

nabasa ko nga pla ung "five people you met in heaven" na nkita ko sa candy mag..its such a great book!!! you should try reading it! aun lng! cge, baboosh!! maghahanda pa ako sa prom !

***all endings are also beginnings. we just don't know it at the time...***

I Do Not Love Thee

2005-02-23T18:31:00.000+08:00

this is a beautiful poem by Elizabeth Norton! this was read by Leara on our poetry reading night! i really love it! :) la lng..sharing...

I DO not love thee!—no! I do not love thee!

And yet when thou art absent I am sad;

And envy even the bright blue sky above thee,

Whose quiet stars may see thee and be glad.

I do not love thee!—yet, I know not why,

Whate'er thou dost seems still well done, to me:

And often in my solitude I sigh

That those I do love are not more like thee!

I do not love thee!—yet, when thou art gone,

I hate the sound (though those who speak be dear)

Which breaks the lingering echo of the tone

Thy voice of music leaves upon my ear.

I do not love thee!—yet thy speaking eyes,

With their deep, bright, and most expressive blue,

Between me and the midnight heaven arise,

Oftener than any eyes I ever knew.

I know I do not love thee! yet, alas!

Others will scarcely trust my candid heart;

And oft I catch them smiling as they pass,

Because they see me gazing where thou art.

**poetry...the art of my heart**

A Night To Remember…

2005-02-12T22:11:00.000+08:00

Oh yeah! Prom night!!! The most awaited night in a junior’s/senior’s life!!

When I went in the ballroom (btw, I arrived at 5:26…the call time was 6:00…and we were only allowed to go in at 7:00..hehehe..xadong excited!) I felt overwhelmed by the reality…

Grabahshkee...parang dati, pinaguusapan lang itong prom…tapos…andto na tau!

Ghad…it was so pretty! The roof of the Grand Ballroom was adorned with crystal chandeliers, the whole room was coated with an elegant shade of wood, 3 paintings accented the wall, the tables were alternately covered with white and royal blue and the centerpiece of each table was a candlelit lamp surrounded by flowers. The stage was located directly in front of the ballroom doors, with the SMCQC coat of arms draped on its background. Everywhere I looked, there were pretty, smiling faces all around me, just waiting to see what will happen next.

People were practically unrecognizable! It’s like we suddenly became stars that were mobbed by fans everyday! Everyone was so pretty! They kept telling me that they didn’t recognize me!(heck, I didn’t even recognize myself!)

I was wearing a powder blue, two-toned long halter gown with beading that was inspired by falling stardust…and I was wearing star earrings, a star ring and a star bracelet! Yeah, im so starry!

There was a tribute, where the seniors would pass on their titles to the juniors. Our very own Apple (Anne Rose Gamboa..for those who don’t know) won the “Drama Queen Award”!! naks! Nanalo ang bakla! Hehehe!

The food was great! We were served the best!(naks…go MSC!) The dessert, chocolate truffle, was the best part of the meal! Kaso nga lng..it was too many! Andaming left overs…nakkpanghinayang…

So there was the dancing…I danced with most my close guy friends, though I didn’t get to dance with them all…my first dance was…would you believe…annie!! Hehe!

Grabe, walang malice ung mga pagsayaw! Sinayaw ko at sinayaw ako ng most of the boys for fun lng! Pero, we can’t say that there were no romantic dances…
yikee…madami! Hulaan nio na lng kung cnucnu ang mga lucky (at unlucky) people na nakasayaw ang kanilang special (or annoying) someone! Bwehehehe!

I also got to dance with…wahahaha! Sikwet! Bsta, cia na un…angaling nga eh..cia ung last dance ko…cia pa ung nag-ask…2 songs pa…waw…too bad di ko cia big time crush…pero…cute pa rin! Ahihihi!

May gusto sana akong isayaw noon…kya lng…bawal! Oh well, nakasayaw ko naman ung isa…and almost lahat ng guy friends ko! Pati girl friends! Da va! Asteeg!

We took lots of pics! May duet,may solo, may group! Speaking of group pic..antagal namin nagpapicture sa Hiyas (official photographer of the night)! Paano ba naman, andaming mga pipol na may sariling cam na kinunan kmi…inuunahan pa ung official photographer! Hehe! We were seeing flashes of light everywhere! (Fans, please! May press conference pa kmi!)

Date or no date, most of the people had fun! Oo nga pla, may prom king and queen, and prom princess and prince, di ko cla xado kilala, di ko cla close..bsta cla na un! Hehe! Congrats nlang sa kanila!

The prom was concluded with a closing prayer and it ended at around 12:00 am…parang bitin nga eh! Bitin na bitin kming lahat! But it was truly marvelous…

And there, a wonderful night to remember! A night filled with laughs, smiles, love, kilig moments, sweetness, annoyance, great food, great friends and great memories that I will take with me forever…

It doesn’t end here! May prom pa next year..watch out!!!

**everything you’ll ever need or want is already given to you...it’s just a matter of discovering what those are...and choosing which to see or get…that’s what you call “destiny”**

Of poets and sciences

2005-02-10T22:05:00.000+08:00

Im having a blogrush! must.write.now….

Wahaha! my life has been very eventful!!

It started Wednesday, feb 9 05.

When I woke up that morning, I only knew two things:

1. we were gonna have no subjects that day
2. im gonna be having a poetry reading

so there, I went to school…

the morning was good coz there were no classes…then sir called my name and suddenly we were going to UST on an impromptu field trip to see their science fair!

wow…really…wow…I went to my (possibly) future school!

It was great! All the exhibits were simply amazing and great! We watched a stunning magic show of the chem. dept! The best part was the psychology dept. coz their “magic show” was really funny and interesting!

Then we went back to school. Everything would have been perfect…if we didn’t miss two quizzes!! Argh! Oh well, it was fun anywei!

And in the evening, the most awaited poetry reading night themed “a celebration of life and love” started!

There were cookies! A lot of cookies! And coffee and juice and champagne! We didn’t open the champagne though, it was only for display…

I read “The Nymph’s Reply To The Sheperd” by Sir Walter Raleigh that compliments the love poem of Christopher Marlowe, “The Passionate Sheperd To His Love” read by my partner, Jose Bondoc! It was really a nice poem and I must say, we did ok ^____^

I loved the poem “I Do Not Love Thee” read by my new friend, Leara! it's a really nice poem! I also liked the poem that was read by my other new friend, Monique “Phenomenal Woman”

I really like Leara coz she’s so friendly and funny and kooky and crazy! Like me! And I like Monique a lot too, coz she’s so nice! She’s half American, and at first I thought we’d never be friends coz I thought she was so full of herself…but she turned out to be pretty cool:)

No one in my class got to watch me though…oh well, dats life!

Im gonna end it here…need to get ready for prom!!!

***the heart sees what the mind does not…and vice versa***

Where The Wind Never Stops Blowing

2005-02-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

We went to a very beautiful park today…where everything you see practically screams “peaceful”.

The sky is a calming shade of cerulean blue, where the clouds of pure white are floating on…

The grass…oh man, the grass! I’ve never seen the grass so green! And whenever you would step on it, it feels like foam!

The place is a vast field of sloping greenery with palm trees adding to the beauty of the landscape…any claustrophobic would love the place….

The wind never stops blowing…it’s a place where a comb would be virtually useless because your hair would look just wonderful moving along with the breeze

Even if the sun is smiling on you , you wouldn’t feel the heat because of that wonderful breeze playing along….

There’s a serene “lake” flowing through the park filled with fresh water lilies that simply spells “relaxation”…

The air is fresh…no tint of pollution hovering about.

The view from the bridge located over the lake is absolutely breathtaking, because you can see the flowing water, the chartreuse grass, the azure sky, and the trees dancing along with the music of the wind… everything blends perfectly, creating a tranquil scenery that’s very very rare these days…

And you know what?

It’s not an ordinary park…

It’s The Heritage Park.

Unfamiliar? Let me explain…

It’s a place where people rest…in peace.

A memorial park.

And the most relaxing one that I’ve ever been to…seriously, you’d never mind coming back to visit…

Because it is really a calm and quiet place…simply perfect for relaxation…

a message

2005-02-03T21:05:00.000+08:00

hey!

naku, tinatamad na ako ayusin layout ni2...gani2 n lng! cguro sa summer na lng, pag may tym ^___^

niwei, niwei, onto my entry!

just had a thought..

do you know what the problem of this world is?

too much evil?

nope..

i think it's too much righteousness...

yup, not evil, but righteousness...askin why?? you think too much righteousness is a good thing? i don't think so...coz there is no concrete reaoning of what is right or wrong...the reasoning is within us...within each one of us...and we all have different views on life...look around, people are fighting for what they think is right...for what they think will be good for all. see? the good intention is there, but then again, what is right to one person may not seem right to others...teenage life provides the most concrete evidence of this...and not many people notice this...

people, you know what is right, and you follow what you believe...but is that enough reason to fight each other? there's too much problems in this world already...for heaven's sake...please naman, subukan ninyo pakinggan ang isa't isa...wla din mangyayari if you try to convince others that you're right...you'd just be bouncing off each other's opinion,and then what? you'd leave a lot of mess. you know what is right, and in our heart, what's right is pretty much the same...coz God gave us discernment of thateven though we have different POV's, we pretty much get the general picture..right?...so i ask you...is fighting right? is it??

just try to work with it...face the issue...rather than attacking, why not compromising? your life would be much better...

hay...grabhashkee...

what goes around, comes around...what goes up, must come down.

**things just don't stay the same just as you left them**

under the stars

2005-01-31T20:37:00.000+08:00

last night i cried...

yeah, i cried for no reason...

it's just that i felt so miserable...

and i don't even know why...

maybe it was because everything i kept inside can't wait to burst out of me...

maybe every bad thing in my past and present just overflowed and turned to tears...

maybe because the world just takes me for granted...

maybe i'm just over reacting to the things that are happening...

i dunno! watever the reason is, i cried...

at npaka ewan ko...parang baliw ako...

tapos na yun...pero let me tell you sometin...

never hold back if you can't hold back any longer...

how can you let go of something you've never held?

i'm back at square one...back at this miserable place...ghad...i thought this won't return until i say so...back with the codes and the secrets and the giggles...but hey..it's both fun and hurting me...just like two years ago...

*i have nothing to say...*

just something...

2005-01-14T22:51:00.000+08:00

hay...grabe...

my schedule is soooo packed! i have dance practice, piano practice, music showdown practice, investigatory project and video shooting and editing!(at kailangan ko ng computer na kayang mag-edit...my PC sucks at dat)

anywho,my days have been as normal as it ever was...with little twists here and there, but it's generally okay!

it's amazing...i had so much to do the past days...that i don't have any weird insight to share wid you pipol!

red stars all over my blog! ahem.

so let me just ask you....how may floors does santa claus have??

you don't know???

buti pa ung student ni ate leng...alam nia!

xe, ganito un...

ate leng:(reading) The house has two floors.
kid: (interested)
ate leng: so, what do you call a house that has two floors?
kid: (writing on the chalkboard) h...o...
ate leng: ho?? why ho?
kid: because, h-o-u-s-e, plural, two floors!
ate leng: (laughing) haha! so, maybe santa clause lives in a "ho"!
kid: no! santa claus house, 3 floors!
ate leng: huh? why? how did you know that?
kid: because..."ho ho ho"! 3 floors!

ahihihi!

(in fairness, may point ung bata...) (^_____^)

ala lng! share ko lng sa inyo! tawa kse ako ng tawa nung kinwento ni ate leng!

i have some more words to say...but its not really for public viewing...sa akin na lang un!

bwahahaha! curious ka noh?

**everyday is an opportunity, a chance and a CHOICE...**

Wise Words of...someone

2005-01-09T15:05:00.000+08:00

uh...i don't wanna say who this person is for fear of destroying secrecy or something...

all you need to know is that she is worthy of her position right now...

anywei..i just really needed to post this...to share the wisdom...ahem.

"when going into a relationship, make sure that you are "whole" in every sense, in every aspect of your being...dahil kung broken ka, or kulang, or sabog, or may empty space sa puso mo...you have to fill it up with something else other than someone...coz when you love...you give a part of yourself...and how can you do that if you're incomplete? you'd lose more. and if you try to fill up the empty space with another person...that person will lose more.

you shouldn't love a person because he/she completes you...you should love a person because you complete each other..like pieces of a puzzle, like the two sides of a zipper, like DNA...if one piece is missing, then it's incomplete, unbalanced...

in other words...before you go into a relationship, you must be healed, complete and HAPPY...you don't go into one looking for happiness...but to enchance your happiness..at least, that's wat i think..."

e2 pa...

"just think about this...the average marrying age is, like, 25yrs. and above...and for us, that's about 10 yrs. from now, like the span of time from kinder to high school..and if you look back, andaming nangyari noong kinder to high school...what more sa next 10 yrs d b? you might stay together, or find another, no matter how sure you are of each other...you will never know what will happen.."

aun!

i altered the words a little kse mas trip ko pag english, pero the thought is there...oh it's really there.

and then i thought...

cguro...kahit gaano ko icipin ang lahat ng bagay sa mundo...di ko pa rin makikita ang buong "picture of life"...i've been thinking a whole lot, but there is still a lot to be discovered...

life is like a heavily tinted glass...no matter how much you polish it..you can only see through it if you look closely...

many autograph books have asked "what is love?" or "define love?"...but i don't see many of them asking "what is life?"..hmm...i wonder why?

hay...malabo ang buhay...but hey...isn't that why it's so epheremally beautiful?

**after all...love always comes with pain...you have to be ready to take the risk...or else, you really can't truly love at all...**

THE Vacation

2005-01-03T12:53:00.000+08:00

i am...

the only rose among the thorns...

and i am proud!

i went to San Pablo, Laguna on dec23,04 till jan1,05. i go there every year, and every year, it always seems the same...

but this 2004...was one helluva lotta fun!

i slept in my suite, complete with a queen sized bed, soft pillows, bay windows, a convenient bedside table, a nice lamp clock and to top it off....a faint, pig-scented air freshener and complimentary blood-sucking lamok! (which, thankfully, wasn't equipped with dengue)

there were many first times....

first time ko maging close kila ate april at katleen!
ansaya ng mga paguusap namin! tawanan, intrigahan, tuksuhan and the like.
first time ko makita si domeng (pinsan ko) na mataba!
i could have sworn he was half his current weight last time i went there in 2003!
first time ko tumagay ng wine!
yeah! i'll never forget the hot sensation of the chocolate raspberry and the sweet taste of Bailey's! pinilit nila ako e!
first time kong pabalik-balik sa bayan!
andami kasing pinagawa ni tita helen! pero ok lng, libreng breakfast and lunch! may load pa! san ka pa!?
first time ko makakita ng tipaklong na malaki!
it was the size of my fist! sigawan tlga kmi! the big green thing came from nowhere!
first time ko gumawa ng jewelry!
andami kong ngawa tlga! sponsored by tita helen, of course!
first time ko magkaroon ng bagong housing!
oo, weird tlga, nguan lng ako ngkaroon ng matinong housing! pink pa! tenkyu ate april!
first time ko lumabas ng bahay sa san pablo ng lampas 11pm!
normally, di nila ako pinapayagan :)
first time ko makita bahay ni tita papat!
at sobrang ganda! dream house ko un!
first time ko matulog sa bahay nila tita mare!
i lyk the room!
first time nagkaroon ng intrigahan!
yup! dalawa sa amin ay masaya! isa ay hindi na! ung isa, dalawa-dalawa pa! at ung isa...di pa alam! mwehehe!
first time ko tlga nagenjoy doon
grabe...22o...

at eto...naaaliw ako sa fact na to...

first time ko mag-stay up until 4am!
grabe, nanood lng kmi ng movie sa family room nila ino at igi kasama cla kiko, jal at ako! (only rose among the thorns tlaga!)pagtingin ko sa kanila...bagsak na lahat! bwahaha!

masaya tlga doon! the people were all cheery! and i got to see my uber CUTE cousin....he is...baby neil!! hah! kala nio kung cno noh?? asa! mga insan, di kau cute! mga gwapo kau! nasa lahi yan!

anyweiz...i had the chance to relax...to let go of the "excess baggage" that i had been carrying since august...and i had a lot of time to think!

here's a thought; i always talk about being my self, but i try to forget all the bad memories of the past...now i realize, that no matter how i try to deny it... my past is a part of me... and if i forget it, i'll be denying myself, making myself incomplete, and i will not be myself at all...

here's another...
i never believed in santa claus...i mean, i know the story, but that was just it...a story(and an excuse to get mom to buy me stuff...but that's another story)

i mean, come on, a big fat cookie eating, milk drinking, list checking guy who has a long white beard and wears a red outfit is supposed to be riding on a sleigh pulled by reindeers that fly??? with that weight of his??? and he's supposed to deliver the presents of kids from all over the world?? and he enters thru chimneys?? c'mon, get real.

but...they say that santa's supposed to bring happiness...

if that's the case, then i guess the people around me are all santa clauses in disguise.

napansin ko to...people there in jeepneys would actually converse with each other, even if you're a complete stranger, not just say "bayad, paki-abot" like we do here.

marami din couples for christ! nice!

and doon...masarap tumingin sa stars! very relaxing tlga...everything's clear now...

so there...the vacation i'll never forget!

now i'm back in the big city, refreshed, restored, renewed, revitalized, rejuvenated, revived, refueled, reset and ready for life's challenges once more! every aspect of my being is ready to take the laughs, fun, tears, pain, good bad, whatever! come on! bring it on!

and i promise to be a bit more quiet and reserved this year.

and more focused too.

***seeing isn't believing, believing is seeing***

Last for this year...

2004-12-21T17:39:00.000+08:00

yes! this is my last day to do whatever on the net! coz i'm goin to San Pablo, Laguna!

i go there every year, but i don't savor it that much...this year, i'll enjoy time away from the city and away from my problems!

the sad thing is, i'll be away from my fwends!

oh well...anywei...

christmas/new year's resolutions:
1. FOCUS.
2. try and be quiet.
3. enjoy.
4. respect.
5. FOCUS!

hay...i need focus in my life...i've got the knowledge, but so very little focus!

gotta run! nid to pack my stuff!:)

**never say never**

Another day...

2004-12-18T21:07:00.000+08:00

hay!!

it's another day...

well..christmas party kanina! masaya nman! but i have this strange..ewan feeling...ack! it must be my hair...it's so ugly! magpapastraight na ako..

hay...di ko nkita prospect ko for some tym now...ahihihi!

e2..how come some people do somthing..then proceed to do the exact opposite?? i mean...if you're gonna make a decision, stick to it! coz people are gonna be affected! sheesh...

anywei...happy nman akoh! i just got VOLUMES 1-6 OF CARCAPTOR SAKURA (manga)!!!! wahahahahahahaha! (soree..mababaw kaligayahan ko...)

i just feel sooo blessed...partly because of the mangas (which, btw, is the japanese word for "comics")...but mostly because i can still manage to be happy in the worst circumstances,,,

with my family,,,
my ever-loving friends...
my service...
lahat!

sometimes i wonder if all of these things were really meant for me...

niweiz...lam nio ba...i had actually already made a poem...na nakuha ko ung inspiration sa Ateneo! grabah...and i didn't even know that it was ateneo! i just felt so peaceful in that place..it was like...i dunno...4 years ago?? haha..la lng, share lng!

ghad...i forgot everything im supposed to write! anywei, vacation na nman, so i can write anytym (before i go to laguna, that is)

special thanks to that someone who helped me torture someone else! (you know who you are,,,thanks!)

i'm sooo evil..

and i hope you don't believe that...

***hope is the thing with feathers...that perches in the soul...and sings the tune without the words...and never stops at all***

new again...new again...

2004-12-15T19:05:00.000+08:00

yup...nagbago na naman ang blog ko!

i like writing in my blog...if you wanna read my other stories about my life, visit http://www.xanga.com/scribblesome ...read if you give a damn..anyweiz...

i don't wanna write anything long today..gotta finish my gifts to y'all!! MERRY CHRISTMAS!! MALIGAYANG PASKO!!! FELIS NAVIDAD!

~*my life is boring, it hurts me a lot and makes tears gush out of my eyes...but i love it.*~